First and foremost I am American and in all honesty I find some pride in that. But as an American I know that my ancestral roots are based in other countries and cultures from Irish to German (and possibly Russian? Not so sure on that...). Mediterranean to Native American (So I've been told. I'm not even going to show my ignorance by guessing a tribe.). I've been told mixed things throughout my childhood, "You're American, what else doesn't matter." "You should know your heritage and take pride in it." But because one side of my families horrible filing skills I have no way of knowing exactly -who- my ancestors were or what their lives and cultures were like.
I know you watch my Blog aunt Kari so I would appreciate any info, if at all, you have on the matter. I'd like to go about getting as much information about my personal family history together and then research and develop a sense of my ancestral culture as well as recording my own for future generations. I want to go about this in a respectful manner however.
Recently running into a Native American blogger who cataloged Indian Appropriation across the country I realized just how little I know. I to have donned feathers and war paint with little thought as to their meaning. Admittedly I was giving a 3rd grade presentation on Sacajawea at the time.
This will not be a short term, quick project. I expect it to last most of my lifetime if not all of the rest of it. How can I learn multiple cultures, respectfully and my own personal history in a few months or years what my ancestors had to do their whole lives, that their different peoples and countries slowly and painstakingly developed over centuries?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Dream
I just had the first Carl dream I've had in several months and it is by far the worst I've ever had. So much so that when I woke up I was already in tears and I had actually wet my underwear. Thankfully the sheets didn't get touched.
I lived in a trailer park with my mother and two younger siblings. There was an older girl and a younger boy however they where a lot younger then Llerendel or Taran. Also my mother had fully gray hair and was much older then she is even now and the siblings where no older then thirteen and seven. My mother had a boyfriend, Carl, who was spending dinner with us. He was going to sleep over but sleep on the couch. This didn't happen as soon after dinner (we all went straight to bed) he entered my mothers room and crawled into bed with her. The subsequent failed seduction and rape of her I'll not bother relating, know that I will not sleep well for weeks because of it.
We woke up the next morning and I knew something was wrong but neither sibling noticed. He stayed with us for several days in which he started to use me as a personal servant, cleaning house, doing laundry, picking up after my siblings of whom he asked nothing from. I didn't get to speak to anyone and we wheren't allowed to go to school.
Finally after four days we all walked out to the train tracks and my mother looked horrible, she looked like she would keel over any moment. The train tracks where oddly high and we could sit on an old unused platform next to them. Carl tied my mothers hands and feet and proceeded to lay her down on the tracks. My siblings didn't care, they had fun jumping over the tracks and even though I looked on in horror as a train approached I could do NOTHING to save her.
The train passed but my mother wasn't dead, she'd suffered a huge head injury but seemed fine, even got up on her own and walked back to the house hand in hand with Carl. when we got home she started making dinner and I started to shove him away from her screaming 'call the police! call the police! I'll hold him off!' everybody just looked at me confused, angry or with pity. I eventually turned to my mother, "You're not going to call the police?" She shrugged and gave me a sheepish smile. I didn't know what to do, I kept shoving him away and it didn't work, he was that much stronger then me though he didn't raise a hand against me. I woke up by bashing my head against the desk next to my bed.
I'm going to go spend the night with Bridget I think. Hopefully she won't mind my invasion.
I lived in a trailer park with my mother and two younger siblings. There was an older girl and a younger boy however they where a lot younger then Llerendel or Taran. Also my mother had fully gray hair and was much older then she is even now and the siblings where no older then thirteen and seven. My mother had a boyfriend, Carl, who was spending dinner with us. He was going to sleep over but sleep on the couch. This didn't happen as soon after dinner (we all went straight to bed) he entered my mothers room and crawled into bed with her. The subsequent failed seduction and rape of her I'll not bother relating, know that I will not sleep well for weeks because of it.
We woke up the next morning and I knew something was wrong but neither sibling noticed. He stayed with us for several days in which he started to use me as a personal servant, cleaning house, doing laundry, picking up after my siblings of whom he asked nothing from. I didn't get to speak to anyone and we wheren't allowed to go to school.
Finally after four days we all walked out to the train tracks and my mother looked horrible, she looked like she would keel over any moment. The train tracks where oddly high and we could sit on an old unused platform next to them. Carl tied my mothers hands and feet and proceeded to lay her down on the tracks. My siblings didn't care, they had fun jumping over the tracks and even though I looked on in horror as a train approached I could do NOTHING to save her.
The train passed but my mother wasn't dead, she'd suffered a huge head injury but seemed fine, even got up on her own and walked back to the house hand in hand with Carl. when we got home she started making dinner and I started to shove him away from her screaming 'call the police! call the police! I'll hold him off!' everybody just looked at me confused, angry or with pity. I eventually turned to my mother, "You're not going to call the police?" She shrugged and gave me a sheepish smile. I didn't know what to do, I kept shoving him away and it didn't work, he was that much stronger then me though he didn't raise a hand against me. I woke up by bashing my head against the desk next to my bed.
I'm going to go spend the night with Bridget I think. Hopefully she won't mind my invasion.
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